Things In the Air

The geese are confused by the mild weather we've been having. Driving to work I saw them circling like sparrows – a flock of a hundred geese all organizing to land in someone’s back field. They didn't seem to know what direction to go so they just collected there as if holding an emergency meeting at the town hall.

Further on down the road I caught a glimpse of what I felt sure was one of these flying through the air:

I wondered if they were going to drop another flock of geese on us from above.

I have decided that this weekend’s attacks were more than just fleeting. There is definitely something amiss with my medications. I feel as though my nerves are just below the surface waiting to be attacked by any unsuspected menace that might brush up against me. The slightest provocation makes me defensive and teary; regular noises seem repetitive and loud. The sound of a person in the office next to me pulling french fries out of the box makes me cringe. Crunching one room over sounds like thunder in my ears. I feel an anxiety attack coming on.

I called the psychiatrist and asked them to move my appointment up and it bought me another week. I marvel at the fact that there isn’t some kind of fast track for those of us who know we need our meds fixed. Wouldn’t they want to keep all the bonkers people drugged up and off the streets as much as possible? But the supply of wackos verses the demanded head shrinkers isn’t a balanced ratio. I personally spend a maximum of fifteen minutes with my psychiatrist – naturally being charged for an hour – but on a good visit I am up and off of his couch in five minutes. He is a well oiled crazy-fixing machine, pumping out prescriptions like overpriced gas. We all need him to keep running.

                                                  

For the time being I am laying low. Husband is being very understanding, if not cautious. He knows what could happen if this boat gets rocked too hard and he is treading lightly. A visit to the therapist helps, if only for a couple of days. I have these things to keep me afloat.

On the ride home I expected to see the geese still there, hunkered down on a wet field waiting for some meteorological message of where to go next but they had already gone. The afternoon was brilliantly blue and warmer than any day in the beginning of February should be. I drove with my windows down and the radio up. I have these things to keep me afloat.