With Age Comes Being Old

The man on the radio told me yesterday that a fancy scientist did some analysis and discovered that the most depressing day of the year was yesterday. It’s called Blue Monday. There is even an existing formula to back it up, if you believe in formulas.

 According to a press release by a mental health charity,^[8] the formula is:

where weather=W, debt=d, time since Christmas=T, time since failing our new year’s resolutions=Q, low motivational levels=M and the feeling of a need to take action=N_a. 'D' is not defined in the release, nor are units.

I tended to agree with that statement, considering the heavy fog that had been hanging over the city all day. It wasn’t cold but it was dreary.  When I got home I flung my rain spattered purse on the couch and sighed exasperatedly.

“J’en ai marre de cette journee!” I exclaimed. I’m so sick of this day!

Husband responded by promptly rising from the spot and doing the dishes. And the world was good again. (I think I’ll keep him.)

Lately I have been feeling remarkably old. This is silly because I’m not even thirty yet, and I also do not believe that thirty is old (or forty for that matter). I am convinced that I must be possessed by some little old lady who is trying to get another few extra years out of life. The proof:

• My tights feel like sausage casing around my belly. I might be losing feeling in the lower half of my body, or else I am about to be squeezed in half.
• I just referred to this as a “three cup of coffee kind of day”. This is because I am having coffee after two P.M.. I am afraid it’s going to keep me up all night.
• I put on the adorable cocktail dress this morning (thought being: wear the dress to work, be ready to go as soon as I am done.) and upon realizing it’s a wee bit short in the rump area I deemed it “not work appropriate”.  Twenty one year old me is so ashamed.
• That third cup of coffee is needed because I went to be after eleven last night. ELEVEN, people. THAT IS SO LATE.

So I guess what I am wondering is how much does an exorcism cost these days? Or maybe I can lure the old biddy out with some nila wafers and tea? Either way I suspect that I tomorrow, after going to bed late two nights in a row, it’s going to be another three cup of coffee day.