Planning

Today was a snow day.

In the 'country', where my sister lives, the process of mobilizing snow plows on the back roads and up long driveways to peoples tucked away houses takes a decent amount of time and so when it snows more than five inches, it's called a snow day. People stay in, mostly, because it makes more sense than getting up at four o'clock in the morning to shovel your tenth of a mile long driveway.

Those in the city get screwed, really, because the exigent and sufficient amount of ready-to-go plows are out on the streets as soon as the first flakes begin to stick. They salt and scrape and salt and scrape so that, by morning, if it's five inches or less you can be on the road and slowly on your way to work.

But not out here. One or two plows means the school bus isn't coming through in enough time to make it worth getting your kid out of bed, so you'd might as well stay in. So we did.

I woke up this morning to pancakes and sausage and hot coffee. It was a weekend breakfast on a Wednesday - a real treat. The neicephews were up and ready to capitalize on every hour of not being in school possible, and who could blame them. As a child who knew few, oh-so-rare snow days in my youth, I sort of envied them.

This does not mean I went out and played in the snow.

While they played in the bitter whirlwinds of flurries that lifted off the fresh blankets of white, I contemplated my coming months. Well, I napped a little, and then I contemplated.

I feel overwhelmed by the list of things to do, even though, really, everything is going terribly smoothly. It's just that old habit that dies hard, waiting for the next step, wishing The Boy was here with me, trying to make sure that I get enough productive things done each day.

That's where I fall short. I am trying to start my book - the one I have been hypothetically writing for the last ten years. I am sending out resumes and following up on the applications. I am planning for the fall and the big big changes that will occur then, when The Boy is here and we will be settled. I am trying. And then....falling asleep.

Should I be worried about the amount I sleep? My neice keenly noted that I am still asleep when they go to school and usually napping when they get home. But I have started exercising! (If you can call it that.) I am not used to living with children?? I am used to being unemployed??????

Whatever. The point IS that as always I need just a little more motivation. Like a cayenne pepper to my soul. An electric shock to my get up and go. I have so much to achieve and so little .... energy.

Oh sweet delicious sleep, you are my frenemy.

And then I stop and realize - it has fourteen days since my vacation ended. I still have time. I am moving forward. Things are going as planned - if slightly more expensive than anticipated. I will be employed soon and things will follow suit and fall into place.

I do still have time for a nap.

After all it was a snow day.