How is it possibly that the first of March could be a full moon and the first day of my period? (Sorry family! Sorry male readers! Women have a reproductive system!) What a cruel universe, eh?
I cleaned my house today, like really cleaned it, which is to say I vacuumed absurd amounts of cat hair off of various objects and fabrics. He doesn't seem like he sheds a lot, and yet... Anyway, it felt good. I always marvel at how different a house feels when it's clean, to me at least. It feels like home.
I lit candles in honor of the cleanliness. I even hung up my stolen spoon collection which has, for months, been being treated with SO LITTLE respect by one Mr. Boo Radley. My lovely stolen spoons knocked here and there? It was the last straw.
What's funny is that now the space feels bigger somehow. I love that magic cleaning power.
What I did not do today was start again in earnest on my job hunt. I wanted to, but I got to cleaning and eating and doing laundry and waiting for the phone call that was inevitably going to come and save me from having to continue my search which never actually came and I simply didn't do it. Thus, by seven I was in a good bit of an upset (add a full moon and Aunt Flo and voila! I'm a mess!). It's so hard to keep positive when another month is over and I am basically staring down the barrel of packing my things to go home. Which makes my heart ache.
It starting to feel silly, all this wanting and searching. Am I really good enough to do anything I love, especially here in Paris? I don't have a degree, I'm no one special. Maybe it's just time for me to throw in the towel, put my big girl boots in the suitcase and give up?
To stop myself from falling apart completely at thoughts like this, I ate 3/4 of a bar of 75% dark chocolate - which anyone who's done it can tell you will make you plenty ill. But the chemical effect plus the nausea did just the trick!
Oh what can March bring. I can only hope that "In like a lion and out like a lamb" doesn't have to limit itself to the weather.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Beware the Ides...No, Just March In General.
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5 comments:
Stay positive! You are totally someone special!!!
:)
It takes so much courage to follow your heart's desires and go for it with everything you have. Be proud of yourself for not settling for less and dying a slow death of boredom doing something and living somewhere you DON'T love!
Fighting for your dreams to manifest is hard, so I encourage you to do whatever you can to keep your mind on that dream. Visualize it. Live it now. Create art that showcases your dream life. Write about it as if it already is. You have the ability to partner with the Divine and create something fantastic for yourself.
I have faith that you can and will do it!
Best of luck Juliet - tomorrow is a new day. And, maybe with a sparkling clean house, you'll feel more motivated to keep working on the job hunt. :)
I love the feeling of a clean house and it does in fact feel bigger for some reason....
'Some people dream of greatness, while other's stay awake and accomplish it.' - Thomas Alva Edison
Think of it this way... Do you want to stay? Then job hunt.
Do you want to give up and leave? Then don't job hunt :)
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