Hello?

I was talking to Sister L this morning and we were discussing how strange it is that we used to use dial-up modems. And then I turned on this song which was just so gritty for it's time.



There she is all angsty about "How can I reach you?" and something about a disconnected modem. Ha! There's your problem darling, you need some wifi ("Weefee" as the French call it). Can you believe, people? This song was before text messaging. Oh the horror!

(Also, check out throwback Number Two at the beginning of the video. Who else remembers 120 Minutes? - Way back when MTV played music!)

Well, of course the topic naturally turned to how strange all this instantaneousness has made the bulk of our society ridiculously impatient. We can't even send an email anymore without expecting that the person will receive it in seconds let alone wait an entire day for a response back. (And notably, by "we" I am certainly referring to "ME", you all can add yourselves to this category as you see fit.)

I have an old computer and it takes damn near fifteen seconds to load a new page and oh my the things that occur if I am running Skype, Messenger and Firefox all at once. Don't open iTunes, she may explode! And you should see the frustration I feel at this lack of speed. It's almost embarrassing.

An acquaintance of mine, while we were waiting for a Metro one night, told me about how in Japan people queue for the Metro. There are arrows pointing at where the doors will open and people will line up two by two inside these arrows in a completely orderly fashion, entering the train car just like this. People are hired to sort of shove as many people on as possible but it is all done very neatly.

I take that image - which just baffles me completely - and I translate it to the Metros of Paris. It's like people are fleeing the damned Apocalypse trying to board at rush hour, cussing and shoving - riders standing inside holding onto their coveted places indignantly while two or three people push as hard as they can onto the mass so as not to be squashed by the closing doors. It's almost scary (certainly enough to give me an anxiety attack).

That scene was translated again last night at the vernissage for Pergola at the Palais de Tokyo. By eight thirty a line had amassed to enter the exhibition (or the party, as it were). I mean "amassed" in the truest sense of that word. Imagine a cows going off to slaughter, dressed in chic hipster versions of the Parisian "black" and that is what you had in the entry hall of the Palais. There was absolutely no order, save two huge black men at the front narrowing down the people to what I imagined were "safe" amounts for entry. Once at the front of the line people pushed and bullied to be the next in that chosen group. We were a jumble of terribly chic heathens.

Naturally, this all ties back to my current job search / life transitions. When I put it into perspective I have only been searching for a job for two and a half months. I have an interview per week and have already received a second interview for one of the jobs. And it sounds fairly positive! But I can't help but feeling so impatient, wishing I just had something already and that I could settle again.

It's all so silly. Because I am settled, aren't I? Yes, things are changing but in comparison to the rate which other periods of my life have changed (The seven-something months where uprooted from Texas and moved here, I'm looking at YOU) things are really quite normal. I should be thankful for that. They are going neither slow nor fast and the anxiety I feel about each next step is the self inflicted enforcer of said impatience. I want to get it all over with. I want to "start my life" in some sense - to quit being a nanny and make a real living again. To quit washing toilets and work at something I can care about.

Thinking like that though, is just exactly like getting angry at my slow internet and lack of email response from people who have real jobs and better things to do than sit obsessively on their inboxes. It's a waste of energy distracting me from all the things I should be thankful for. Like even having internet at all! Being able to keep in touch with people across the planet so that I don't feel so far away. Like, um, being here for instance. Being here at all blessing so not worth being pissed on. I've said it before and I'll likely say it again, but my life is so incredibly charmed. I'm one helluva lucky girl.

So, along with my new chosen mantra for 2010 of "Lower Expectations" (more explanation on that later), I will try to also include my one of my favorite all time quotes.

"If you live with one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you end up pissing on the present." (Dr. Frederick (Fritz) S. Perls)

Hello? You know I'm right, don't you.