Wake up absurdly early in order that you can ride the RER when it is completely empty.
At the train station - because you are so tired - drop the lovely bottle of wine you were going to give to your hosts, shattering it into a million tasty shards on the floor next to the panini stand. Cry.
Not that they will care, because they are fabulous. To make the best of the day, eat lunch in a little town by the ocean. Wander towards Luc Sur Mer picking up shells and thinking that more places should be by the beach.
Indulge in the weirdness that is America in France.
Have lunch in Texas.
Or at least what tastes like Texas because suddenly French people have mastered the art of making barbeque sauce? Yes, I think so. Officially go off your diet because, yes food really is that good!
Pose for pictures and make your mother's face.
Reconvene apero chez your hosts house and drink entirely too much wine.
The next morning, after trying to kill your boyfriend with your very own form of biological warfare (and your terrible mood), vow to go right back on your diet before the rest of the population is harmed. Take another (too) early train and spend the day recuperating from lack of sleep in the comfort of your boyfriend's parents house. Enjoy cuddling in front of their fireplace and playing with their random collections of miniatures.