And My Mother Handled It Very Well

If I have learned anything about my life it is that I am enormously powerful. While once upon a time I was deluded into thinking I don't have any control over things, I have come to realize that all of my little problems eventually solve themselves quite nicely and I am usually the force that propels them to do so. It involves a lot of "throwing things out into the universe" and manifesting my destiny, and yes a great deal of prayer. I'm not the world's most religious girl but God to me equals The Universe equals a Greater Governing Force. And God's greater governing force allows us the free will to determine our path and when we are heading in the right direction there comes a gentle nudge to help you along.

Religion aside I believe that if you follow your passions you will ultimately succeed in life as long as you do it with your whole mind body and spirit. Worrying too much (which I excel at, normally) only hinders the process, and so it behooves us to "Let Go and Let God" as they say in AA, and to allow our path to find us. Often, I find, the answers don't come in the form you expect, but they are there plain as day if you are watching.

All this to say that after a few weeks of awful anxiety I finally followed my own advice and miraculously, magically, I had the answers as to how I would stay in Paris.

It is not at all how I expected it would be. In my head, I was going to stay in Paris. I was going to get a good job somewhere and I was going to find a cheap apartment in the city where I could take the cat. I was going to have a job that afforded me money for travel and space where I could work on my art. And then God, The Universe, snorted and laughed in my general direction.

Anyone who's tried to find a job in Paris can understand why. And anyone who's tried to find a job in today's marvelous economy is standing beside them trying not to cry from the humor of it. Adding into this equation that I do not have a college education, nor do I speak French fluently, pretty much everyone in the general public might be asking just what the hell I was drinking. (It wasn't the good vintage, let me say that."

Well, when I got over my hangover I was greeted immediately by Host Dad, still offering me another year with them. I had initially turned it down, but as the days wore on and my desire to really have a chance to work on my book and my art became stronger, I realized that what he was offering was exactly what I was looking for. Free room and board with money to spare. A million hours of free time which (when properly utilized) could actually bear the fruit of my creativity. A chance to become fluent in French. A Visa.

And so I accepted. Because there how lucky am I to have been given this opportunity to begin with and how stupid would I be if I turned down the chance to live comfortably in a place I love doing something I am passionate about for one more year? Turning up my nose at it came from that old spoiled brat in me who always thinks there is more out there. But sometime you have exactly what you need right there in front of you.

So I called my mom on Sunday to tell her the news.

"Are you sitting down? I have some news," I said seriously.

"Oh my God," she replied. "What?"

I paused for dramatic effect.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?!"

"Hahaha, no I just got my period I'm not pregnant. But that would suck wouldn't it? No, I have decided to stay with the family for another year," I rushed on, "and that means that I don't get to come home in September but they are going to buy me a ticket for Christmas."

"Oh. Well...I suppose that's a better idea. With the economy and everything."

I agreed and explained to her that I would have more time at Christmas anyhow and in the end she was immensely supportive. She has gotten used to me being away. It's not great but for now we are making it work. I will get to see them sooner, with a light heart and lots of gifts from Paris.

Of course I feel as if a weight has been lifted off me. Knowing where I will be next year makes me feel secure again, and knowing that I will be here makes me happy. And as if things couldn't get any better, the sun came out today. For the whole afternoon I basked in it reading back blogs to be added to the book. I listened to my music, sang along and got my first sunburn of the season.

With my pink face I smiled at the sun and said a Thank You to God, The Universe for all my millions of blessings.