When Your Talking In Your Sleep

In the dream I was standing in the living room of the house I grew up in with my mother and step father. Whatever built up to this moment in the dream was light, maybe even pleasant, like a fond memory. I don't really remember that part though, because just after my mom sat in her long hair smiling obliviously and I perched over her screaming at my step father.

"You just going to leave anyway! You don't love her because she's sick! You're going to leave her because she's sick! You bastard, son of a bitch! You're going to leave!"

I stirred then, the sensation of Toad gently kissing my face rousing me.

"Already?" I said in French, thinking he was getting up to go to work.

"Are you okay, baby?" he said?

"I was screaming at my stepfather," I said, and rolled over back to sleep. My body was covered in sweat and heart was beating fast.

An hour later when the alarm actually woke us up he asked me again if I was okay. "You were yelling."

"Like making noises that sounded like yelling? Or actually screaming?"

"No, yelling. I was afraid," he said seriously.

The heaviness of the dream still lingered over me.

"I didn't know I talked in my sleep," I said, trying to be light. "...I blame him. I blame him for taking away my childhood, for destroying my mothers life. I haven't forgiven him."

"It's understandable," he said and kissed me good bye.

I went back to sleep trying to think of something more pleasant.